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by bryce donovan
Of The Post and Courier Staff
OK, I've heard it a million times.
"Bryce, you're skinny and tall. I
don't want to hear you complain about needing to work
out."
But I'm as skinny as a swimsuit model (only
harrier, bonier, uglier). So getting in shape is just as important to me as
somebody trying to lose 100 pounds. I decided, since I was doing a story on
personal trainers, I would try it myself.
The right
choice for me was the "nobody's around" approach with Chris McNeil at Lifestyle
Dynamics. There's nobody to tell me my chest is concave and my biceps look like
the branches of a baby sapling.
CHECK UNDER
THE HOOD
On Thursday, I walked into LifeStyle
Dynamics and liked what I saw.
A nice, old building
on King Street, it had brick walls with lots of windows and sunshine but still
provided privacy.
First, they checked my body fat:
excellent.
Strength:
average.
Working heart rate: here's an interesting
one.
For all of the vital signs checked, there's a
scale ranging from excellent all the way down to poor, with many variations in
between. For my heart rate, they had to add a new "On the bright side, Bryce,
you have plenty of room for improvement," said Lifestyle Dynamics owner and
personal trainer McNeil, with a knowing smile.
THE REAL WORKOUT
On Friday at 10:30 a.m.,
I walked in, and my trainer, Mike Lally, was there waiting. "Hop on the running
machine," he told me.
Three minutes later we did
some bench presses. Then to a stationary bike. Then some squats. Rowing machine.
More weight lifting. I began to notice about 20 minutes into my workout that the
stars were coming out earlier than normal.
I was
getting dizzy. My vision was blurring, and I was getting nauseated. Mike asked
me if I was OK.
Of course I wasn't OK, but I smiled
because I thought how pathetic I must have looked after only 20 lousy
minutes.
I sat down, and Mike brought me some water.
I began feeling a bit better, but within minutes the sun set again and the stars
were back out. McNeil walked in the door and noticed my pasty
appearance.
"What did you have for breakfast?" he
asked.
"Yeah, about that. ... I kind of didn't have
anything," I said like a child showing a parent a report card full of
D's.
And there was the problem. Apparently the body
needs food to make energy so it can function properly. Now they tell me
this.
McNeil picked up the telephone, dialed a
number, and in a voice more serious than a doctor in the ER said, "Hi, this
Chris. I need an emergency smoothie."
An emergency
smoothie?
It was all falling apart for me at that
point. Not only was I weak and pathetic in my workout, I was going to throw up
in front of total strangers, and then just as I finished completely embarrassing
myself, my smoothie would arrive in an emergency vehicle. But luckily it didn't
end that way. The smoothie got there in the nick of time, and I survived to tell
about it.
So remember, no matter how badly you think
you are doing or how bad you look, there is always some sorry Joe (such as
myself) who will make you look like Mr. or Ms.
Universe.
Oh, I almost forgot the icing on the
cake.
Lifestyle Dynamics is located at 218 King St.
on the second floor. As I took the first step, my legs turned to the consistency
of the smoothie in my hand. My knees buckled, and I began to see slow-motion
flashes of my future crashing down the stairs and out into King Street to be
finished off by a CARTA bus.
I snapped out of that
nightmare, collected myself, and dragged my wounded body
home.
IN THE
FLOW
On Saturday I went in again. I had to prove
I could do this.
So I showed up at 12:30 p.m. and
did much better. For starters, I didn't pass out.
Mike knew I had trouble breathing correctly during weight lifting, so he made
exaggerated breathing sounds behind me like we were in a Lamaze class together.
It was hilarious. These are the small things that personal trainers can help you
with - distraction from pain not withstanding. And it truly is a big
help.
With muscles burning and aching and a great
sense of satisfaction, I made it down the steps and purchased my first
"nonemergency" smoothie.